comment on changes

I think that when I revise I should focus more on having more details to support my main point. I also think that when I revise I should aim to have more counter points to refute. This will help to strengthen my point more.

Outline

1. Intro

1)Thesis: I believe that the overnight policy...

2)Main Points

2. Education is more than book work

1) Learn from college experiences

2) test new found freedom

3) Lear from mistakes

3. Guest of the same sex can spend the night

a) Homosexuals have an advantage

b) no sex should be allowed to spend the night

4. Counter arguments

a) students are still young

b) first time being away from home for many

c) parents want safety

d) ability to make their own decisions

5. Conclusion

a) restate thesis and main points

Outline

I. Introduction
A. Meal Plan:
1. Bronze - $1,300
2. Silver - $1,600
3. Gold-$1,700
B. Rollover plan - Excess money rolls over into next semesters
C. Thesis: Incoming freshmen should not be required to purchase a meal plan because they
are too expensive, there are limited food places, and it does not cater to all
dietary needs.
II. Too expensive
A. Some may think that thirteen hundred dollars is not a lot of money, but for those
students who are paying their way through college it is.
B. The smallest meal plan is thirteen hundred dollars which does not get used up all the time
and would normally roll over, however the administration is aiming to get rid of the
rollover plan
C. BGSU Office if Residence Life (information of figures)
D. If the rollover is eliminated, students will lose a lot of money that they cannot afford to
waste.
III. Limited locations
A. Some of the dining halls have very odd hours of opertion, which makes it an
inconvenience to students
B. Example: Campus Corners only open 5-8 Monday-Thursday
C. BGSU dining hall hours
D. Most students like to have options of places to eat, but if they have odd operating hours,
the choices are limited
IV. Dietary Needs
A. Some want to eat healthy and not have to go to Wendy's for dinner because it is the only
places open late at night
B. Limited selection of healthy food, salad costs the most money, no nutritional facts ( for
those with allergies)
C. Dining Halls
V. Conclusion
A. We should be able to buy own food from stores which can help us learn responsibility and
independence



After outlining, I realized I need to fix up my conclusion to make sure it summarizes my thesis. I also need to add a counterargument and make sure that all of my examples and points relate back to my thesis. Lastly, I need to make sure I summarize each paragraph with a good sentence or two to wrap up each paragraph.

Life without health insurance-tim fisher

Adding in real life situations to the story greatly helped "Life without Health Insurance." Clark mentions that following college she didn't have the money for health insurance and food, so she picked the more reasonable one, food. So when she got terribley sick, she was in a deep financial crisis. This story definately struck a chord with me because in three years this will be a scenario I could very well have to face. And after reading a first hand account of what could happen without health insurance, I definately now may be more inclined to think about purchasing it.

Life without Health Insurance

I was very touched by this article we read. Clark brings up a topic I believe most Americans feel something needs to be done about: Health Care. I personally believe it is a right, not a privilage. Clarks arguments are very strong and very good. I like how statistics alone, isn't the main argument. Personal experiences are what is used and it really puts on an affect to anyone who is willing to read it.

Life Without Health Insurance

Clark sites statistics that are readily available, and she is making a claim others have already made. Clark's own personal experience adds to this debate by making the argument more real to others. She states facts that have already been said, but by adding in her own personal experience, it really shows that this does happen, and it is not just another statistic. Most people may think by just reading the claim that others made, without personal experience, that it wouldn't happen to them. Therefore, since Clark did put her experience into the argument, it made it seem real, like it could happen to anyone, at least that's how it made me feel. I guess I wouldn't think about health insurance being an issue, but between the ages 18-25 with just starting your life, paying your own bills, it would be hard to afford insurance. Clark's experience with health insurance was very expensive, but like she said she was lucky. To have a chronic illness the bills would be overwhelming.